... I feel Guilty !
I think that all moms go through guilt trips during their parenting years. Some feel guilty because they don't spend enough time with the kids, some may feel guilty because there kids eat too much fast food. Take your pick. I think that as women, it is in us to apply self guilt and try to make ourselves feel bad. Well as a mom in the mission field you still feel guilty but in different ways. For example...
~ I feel bad because my kids don't eat the crust on their toast, and I know that there are probably some kids in the neighborhood that may only get one meal a day. But I don't want to force my kids to eat the crust, since I don't like to eat it. And I don't want to just eat it because of guilt.
~ I feel guilty because my kids play with toys that we have bought from the local market that are usually half broken, or torn, or stuffed with trash. The toys are usually Goodwill rejects that are sent here from the U.S. or UK. But then I feel worse because their rooms are filled with toys and they have so much more than other children here.
~ I feel bad because my kids get so excited to eat yogurt, raisins, crackers, or cereal. We usually just have these as a special treat. They don't eat a lot of candy or cookies. I would love more "junk food" but it has to be imported and it is just too expensive.
~ I fell guilty that I am exposing my kids to more health risk factors, and get so stressed out when one of them starts running a fever. I hate having to take them to the clinic for a finger prick to see if they have malaria. I just wish that I could say, "Oh it's just a virus". Instead I have to wonder... malaria, typhoid, polio, bacteria, or virus. ??? The list goes on for stomach problems.
~ I feel bad that I have to be careful with the kids and the water. I have to make sure they are not drinking the bath water or brushing their teeth from the faucet.
BUT THEN...
I remind myself that we are not completely Tanzanian, but we don't live in America either. There is a balance, and it's finding that balance that keeps you going.
~ Yes, there are hungry kids in Tanzania, but we help just about every one of them that we see that truly needs help.
~ We do give away lots of toys. If the kids get a new toy then they have to give at least 1 toy away.
~ I remind myself that not having junk food is a good thing. Even if I really miss it. And that it is a good thing that they appreciate little things like crackers and cereal.
~ I think back at the times when the kids have been sick and remember that the sickest they have ever been, was when we were visiting America. And I read other parents facebook post and see that their kids seem to get sick more often than mine do.
~ And when it comes to the drinking water... I guess I don't mind so much that my kids see clean drinking water a luxury. It helps them to think outside of the box, and shows them how many people in the world actually live.
So yes, I feel guilty as times, but there is a balance. There can be two views to one situation, and I like to try to choose the positive side of things. I think this is important for all moms. Sometimes this guilt helps us to strive to be a better mom, or it keeps us from being insensitive to the need of others. The trick is to channel our thoughts. When we let our negative thoughts bring us down, we are not doing ourselves, or our families any good. We all need to stay positive.
A Cheerful Heart is Good Medicine. Proverbs 17:22
P.S.
There is something that I do feel guilty about that I just can't get over. Maybe you can help....
This week I was being brave and tasting a Tanzanian delicacy....roasted grasshoppers. Well, it was dinner time and the kids were hungry.... and before I knew it, they had their hand in the bowl... chowing down... by the hand full. They just kept eating them like chips. Now if I was an American mom, I would be totally grossed out, and accuse myself of child abuse... but if I was a Tanzanian mom, I would be proud that I could share such a special treat with my kids... Soooo, I am not sure yet how I should handle this one. :-) Any Ideas ?
2 comments:
Yes, Bonnie I do have ideas. You say you feel guilty. I feel so very proud of you! You are such an amazing Mom and example! Your cheerful heart has brought my heart very good medicine today!
I wish I would have read this article a long time ago! Your children are very blessed indeed! I am praising God for the Mom that your children have and for the love that the Tanzanians have in the example that you are to them!
You have a way of putting many things into perspective. I am very thankful that our boys get to spend time with your family and get to learn more about sacrificing for the Lord.
Love you very much, Bonnie!!
Loved your article. Thank you for sharing it. It truly helps us all to be thankful for the abundant blessings we have each day.
I would say that guilt comes (or should come) when we are doing something that is wrong and our conscience convicts us. What are you doing that is wrong? You are sharing what you have and serving others. I don't see what is wrong in that.
Concerning your grasshoppers...if your children were eating sauerkraut, okra, spinach or [insert your most hated food] by the handfuls, I doubt you would feel guilty. Perhaps disgust, since you don't share their taste for that food, but not guilt. You aren't doing anything wrong, in fact you are blessing your children by exposing them to the amazing uniqueness of another culture! Keep up the good work!
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